I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
cat food counts as protein by the way
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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