I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
