There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
