Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
