I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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