he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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