i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
