He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
