I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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