The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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