3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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