Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
