i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
