you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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