So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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