Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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