the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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