I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
