she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
