I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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