I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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