There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
