My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
