Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
