we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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