my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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