Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You don't make any sense
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