The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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