who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
