Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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