i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
