Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
