This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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