That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
