Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
