I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
