she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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