bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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