when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
