What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
