Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
