I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
