I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
