I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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