...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
