Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
