Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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