I think i peed on brittanys purse
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
