Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
