and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
