We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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