everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
