I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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