True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I love you.
Bad choice
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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