woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
