does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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