I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
