Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
