You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
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