you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Randomize
