Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
