Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
