now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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