I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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