I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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