end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
