Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
