3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
