do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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