I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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