is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
