I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
