People in love make me want to vomit
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
